Beautiful Life

It has been really a long time since I last blogged. I have been really uninspired to write (and even read) lately. There are a lot of things to write about in my list but I couldn't even get myself to start. So this is another push at it...

1. One lifelong dream came true: meet Max, one of the giraffes in Calauit --

I've been obsessed with giraffes. I'm so amazed with them (lovely lashes!). I knew I'd meet them someday. When Sally (the resident giraffe of Manila Zoo) died, I thought my first encounter with them will be in Africa. I was wrong, it happened closer to home.

2. Another new place in my list: Coron/Busuanga. To say that it's beautiful there is an understatement.

It was paradise. Snorkeling was wonderful, marine life was abundant. It's a wonderful place to unwind and take in the beauty of the gift He gave us.

3. One dear friend joined my throng of angels above. Mavic fought a good fight. I will miss her dearly.

4. Preparing for another trip -- Ilo-ilo, here I come!

I want to write about some other things, but I'll save them for next time -- whenever that will be.

Happy Birthday again, Papa

It's Papa's birthday today. We still miss him but we know he is happy up there. My family will be having a picnic with him this afternoon, I've lit a candle and offered some prayers for him.

When I am sick, I dream about him sitting by my bedside. When I feel sad and challenged, I find myself uttering his name. When I am happy, I thank him for the strength of character. It may sound like an overused cliche but... it's like he never left.

I'm not sure if I've talked about the outpour of support and love we've received from both friends and relatives when he passed away... it was overwhelming. I'm thankful that even if he is not physically here anymore, somehow he still made sure that we were sorrounded with a strong band of support.

"Happy birthday Papa, I know that you know that we love you so much. "

Resilience

I (we) have been shaken from our comfort zone, yet again. It came as a shock to all of us. I have been with this client since I started with the company and when the first wave of pull-outs happened a few years back, it was such a relief that this client stood their grounds with us. Although the clients had several explanations on the pull-out, I can't help but relate to the anxiousness that the financial crisis is giving people all over the world.

Things happen. Now, I am transitioning. Krispy Kreme greets me everyday before I start work and that should be enough to cheer me up, yet I can't help but miss the blue building. I miss the brightly colored washrooms. I miss bumping into familiar faces in the pantry. I miss the Union Flag, I miss Big Ben, I miss my teammates.

Then again... I should say that I am still quite proud of myself right now. Resilience by definition means the ability to recover quickly from setbacks. Albeit heartbreaking, I guess I am on it. I am functioning. I am learning.

I am still thankful.

Now

Yesterday was my 4th year with PS.

Tomorrow is UK's last day with PS.

Today sums up how I feel -- stuck in the middle. The NOW is full of uncertainties. The NOW is the nothingness that makes me want to go back to yesteday because I still feel that is where I should be. It is also the nothingness that urges me to move along, for good measure.

Maybe it's about time.

And while I am swirling around with all the emotions around me, I stumbled upon this postcard via PostSecret:

It made me more anxious about things. Whew.

Christmas 2008

Though it was raining like crazy during my Christmas vacation... it was nonetheless eventful.

We had two huge tents set-up at the cemetery on the 26th for Papa's 1st death anniversary. Some friends and family came and shared lunch with us which was highlighted by what else - lechon! *Yum!*

I also went to a pot-luck dinner with my highschool friends. I came a bit late so some people already left but still it was so good to see everybody. I had a wonderful catch-up time with them.

I spent lots of time with my family... especially with the kids - Ayezzah and Bodik. Watched a lot of cartoon and reruns of Power Rangers because Bodik would not let us watch anything else. My sisters and I and Ma also spent some quality time shopping, heheh, there goes the savings!

Then there were also some low points... like Cebu Pacific losing my baggage. I knew that it will happen to me sooner or later. But I did not expect it to happen this soon and on a domestic flight at that. It's a good thing that due to some connections, everything got sorted out after 2 freaking days and it got to me intact (thanks Clarke). Another one is, my uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer and was in ICU for weeks. I didn't want to visit him when he was in the ICU but it's a good thing that his condition got better and he got transferred to a private room the day before I left. He was transferred to the room Papa occupied last year, it was the only vacant room. I was able to at least see him even if it was still difficult for me to step in that hospital.

High point of the vacation? I got drunk with my sister Ivy. We finished off a whole bottle of tequila without even noticing it. I'm happy we had the chance to TALK. It was a moment that reminded my once again that no matter how screwed up I get, I will always, always have a family to run to. I will always have a sister to cry with.

I know, I'm lucky. If I can only go home every month then I know I'd totally be a whole better person. All in all it was really a break from all the stress. It was reassuring to know that home will always be home.

Some Christmas Thoughts

I am excited about Christmas because I am really looking forward to spending time with my family again, of course. I also did some Christmas shopping and although I am very far from done I have at least placed check marks beside some names - especially the kids'.

Christmas this year would mean that Papa has been gone for a year - this is one big reason why I don't really feel ecstatic about the holidays. If I can sleep through this, I will, but then we have some kids at home and I want to give them a really happy celebration.

I dreamt of Papa a few nights ago, I was so sick then, it was very vague and all I can remember was he was beside my bed giving me a reassuring look. I miss him so much. I don't know how one really steps out of losing a loved one.

Again, I would prefer spending this season in silence. I just have a lot of things to ponder upon but I also can't pass up a chance to be with my family.

I guess this season really makes people melodramatic.

HBD 2008

It’s my birthday.

No fancy gifts or any lavish parties. All I want today is some quiet time.

Just let me be me today.