I am excited about Christmas because I am really looking forward to spending time with my family again, of course. I also did some Christmas shopping and although I am very far from done I have at least placed check marks beside some names - especially the kids'.
Christmas this year would mean that Papa has been gone for a year - this is one big reason why I don't really feel ecstatic about the holidays. If I can sleep through this, I will, but then we have some kids at home and I want to give them a really happy celebration.
I dreamt of Papa a few nights ago, I was so sick then, it was very vague and all I can remember was he was beside my bed giving me a reassuring look. I miss him so much. I don't know how one really steps out of losing a loved one.
Again, I would prefer spending this season in silence. I just have a lot of things to ponder upon but I also can't pass up a chance to be with my family.
I guess this season really makes people melodramatic.
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